The autumn leaves are falling like rain. Although my neighbors are all barbarians and you, you are a thousand miles away, there are always two cups at my table.

T’ang Dynasty poem

Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter. If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life.

~ Wu-men ~


Sunday, July 24, 2005

Chinese Swordsman Movies

The following was found on the Chinese History Forum. If you click on the title of this post, you'll be directed there.
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1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky andwill usually be killed by enemies when the hero isyoung and the hero will become an orphan.
2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always managesto catch his breath and speak a few sentences toreveal the killer before dropping his head and beingdeclared dead.
3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, uptrees and across distances without any sweat. But whentraveling to towns and villages, they still have towalk or ride horses.
4. The heroes need not have to work for money, butwill always have gold and silvers with them to pay fortheir dishes.
5. The heroes and villains will meet each other veryoften no matter how big the country is and no matterwhere they are.
6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy assitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees andsmoke coming out from the head.
7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves andwaistband and never drop them (carrying especiallylots of those gold and silver ingots)
///if you are the hero then there will be many girls whowill fall for you and are ready to give you theirbodies. Then by accident you touch some beautiful girlthen she will state that she already belongs to you.If your kungfu never improve you may consider jumpinginto a deep pit where you may be lucky to find somesuperhero who will give you a book or will teach yousome invincible kungfu.///When the Hero meets a beautiful girl and falls in love(or lust), 50% chance she will
a) be his half-sister which they discover only afterhaving promised each other the Sun and the Moon (cueMelodramatic Music)
cool.gif be killed by the Hero through tragiccircumstances (cue Melodramatic Music)
c) discover she is the daughter of the leader of theopposing side or other inimicable social status andcan't be together (cue Melodramatic Music)
///
Other Things One might see in Chinese M/A movies
* When your uncle (no blood relation, title of olderman friend) offers you his not-so-hot daughter, say"my background is too humble for your daughter's handin marriage"
More ...
* There a poisonous plant/animal occurs, there'salways a source of antidote within 5 steps of itslocation
* Practicing some unusual/Heretical/Unorthodox martialarts will generate tremendous amount of heat in thebody ... requiring the practicioner to do it in thebuff ... and sometimes ... in a room packed with ice.
* Despite being aware of their being highly soughtafter, Shaolin monks continue to keep their martialarts manuals in unlocked drawers and shelves in theirlibrary without a 24-hour attendant guarding.
* Losing one's internal strength also render oneunable to use the external movements, though one cancontinue to do other work. It's like Clark Kent losinghis Superman prowess.
* Endothermic consumption of lotus grown insnow-covered mountains will enable one to recover theinternal strength and ability to exercise the externalmovements.
* Eating the flesh of an exponent with greatinternal strength will transfer the strength to theeater.
* Ancient chinese can carry out eye-transplants.
* If the restaurant don't have small change, onesimply breaks a silver tael into smaller pieces tomake payment.
* Half-starved beggars can pose a formidable power byuniting in "Dog-Beating Formation" and bring down topexponents who are at full strength.
* The more pouches a beggar sport, the higher his rankis in the Beggars' Guild.
* Length of eyebrows can be equated to martial artspower
* More grey/white hair, more kung fu power
* Run away when you encounter the man with long whiteeyebrows
* When in the wilderness, there's always an abandonedtemple or a cave handy to seek shelter.
* People who plunged from heights and did not havetheir bodies found, did not die.
* A young chap in his 20s, and less than 10 years ofmartial arts training, can thrash a veteran expertstill in his prime with many more years of experience.
* People sleep in long-sleeved white pyjamas (in theolder shows)
* Everyone can style their hair without modern gelsand equipment ... and dye them too!
* Only foreign martial arts experts come to China tochallenge the local champions ... Chinese martial artsexperts never go overseas to challenge them.
* If you're a girl disguised as a man, everyone elsewill see through your disguise except the man youlove.
* The woman most capable of kicking your *** will bethe one you marry.
* Sometimes our hero accidentally drank some stuffthat made him go horny and he would find any girl torelieve his desire, even that girl might be his enemy.
* They are the masters of packing...when travellingall their luggage fits into a small bundle...if atall.

2 comments:

CARDINAL009 said...

* They are the masters of packing...when travelling all their luggage fits into a small bundle..."

There is certain truth to this one. ...
During the Qing Dynasty, the imperial bodyguards were required to protect important officials while also attending lavish parties and functions, all the while wearing formal robes. Ba Gua practitioners therefore took a practical outlook and utilized weapons that were small and easily concealed in the long sleeves of their cloaks (changpao). Examples include the iron fan (shanzi), deer horn knives (lujiaodao), conical brass knuckles, Rooster Head daggers, and steel yo-yos (no joke).

From my understanding, much of their gear is stored in leather pockets that fits in certain places within the clothing.

Regardless of the country, ["Special Ops"] Forces training requires their field team to carry gear that is light, durable and reliable.

CARDINAL009 said...

One more thing, those Imperial Bodyguard would also carried regular double-edged daggers, stainless steel needles, and palm-sized throwing objects.