Here at the frontier, the leaves fall like rain. Although my neighbors are all barbarians, and you, you are a thousand miles away, there are still two cups at my table.

Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter. If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life.

~ Wu-men ~

Saturday, May 07, 2011

The 2010 Darwin Awards.

And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. "The Darwins" are
awarded every year to the persons who died in the stupidest manner, thereby
removing themselves from the gene pool.

Here is the official 2010 list. Notice the interesting spin for this year's
first place award which comes to us...-from of all places, Arkansas. How
surprising is that?

This years nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: (San Jose Mercury News):

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: (Kalamazoo Gazette):

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was
trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that
he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped around the drive

Nominee No. 3: (Hickory Daily Record):

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which
discharged when he drew  it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: (UPI , Toronto):

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with  his shoulder and plunged 24
floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the
courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
explaining the strength of the buildings' windows to visiting law students.
Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to
police reports.

Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the
Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members
of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: (The News of the Weird):

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent
several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he
bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 6

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A
Jay Countryman, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle
, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face,
sheriffs investigators said.  Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning
a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using
the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 7: (Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario):

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in
this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23  stories to his death. Stefan Macko,
55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector
Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved,
and he went over the balcony, " Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!: (Arkansas Democrat Gazette):

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck
a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County
deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock,
were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday
night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded
that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a
replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber
bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
steering- wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began
to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river,
the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the
testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and
striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his
testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released "Thank God
we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his nuts off, or we might both
be dead, " stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a
first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident
happened, " said Snyder.  Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's
wife), asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from
the truck. Priorities, after all!!

Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's okay Poole, the planet's overpopulated as it is. No one's going to miss you nuts - but apparently the bullet didn't.